Livet och döden

1 · I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2 · There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3 · Life is sexually transmitted.

4 · Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5 · The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6 · Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7 · Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8 · Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9 · All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10 · In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 

11 · How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12 · Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?

13 · If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14 · Why does your Gynacologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look there anyway?

15 · If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16 · If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17 · Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?  

18 · Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19 · Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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