Som ett slag i magen



Greg Crowhurst

When you cannot move or get out of bed and no part of you is
not screaming with infinite agony, but the doctors are not
interested and tell you to your face that they do not believe you are physically ill, you suddenly reach an almost heart- stopping, gut wrenching moment of unbelievable clarity and awareness; a shocking epiphany.

For you realise that you have slipped out of normal existence
and are living/ operating on a totally different level, way below
normality and incredibly, devastatingly bizarre, the only way you are going to survive and cope is by going within yourself and holding on to your essential self.

It is to know with all your being that no matter how much you
want this unbearable, intolerable nightmare of unimaginable,
indefinable pain to stop, the truth is, that it is real, it is in all
levels of your being.

Every moment of your life is going to be defined by this. You
are going to have to be incredibly strong to endure it,
unimaginably brave to bear it, totally focused on finding
meaning within it, so that it does not totally define who you are
or overwhelm you, despite it has invaded every space in you.

You are going to have to bear the unbearable, cling onto your
deepest values of goodness and caring for yourself and others.

You are going to have to live your beliefs that you are precious
no matter what is going on inside you, removing and
incapacitating you from every aspect of life previously known.

You are going to have to walk your talk as never before,
because only in the depth of your being can you find and hold
on to love that can help you survive such torment, not just for a day or a week or a couple of grave months, but many years,
decades, probably forever.

Because it really is very bad, really serious, really never-ending severe and uncomprehendingly ignored. Your precious precious life, your beautiful body, your sharp, clever, aware mind are all being turned inside out in what can only be described as unimagined, devastating chaos on every level.

Det i fetstil talar verkligen till mig!!!

2 kommentarer:

modren sa...

Jag saknar ord.
Men det gjorde verkligen inte Greg.

modren sa...

Idag började jag läsa "Look Up My Soul - the Divine Promise of Hope" av Gerald Lund. Har lite siktat in mig på hans böcker.
Vill bara citera några korta meningar ur denna fantastiska bok som jag har svårt att lägga ifrån mig:
"Hope is more than just a wish that things will get better; it is a power that makes things better. It is a spiritual gift from God, and with his help, we can make hope a vital and vibrant part of our everyday life and of our eternal spiritual survival."
Hoppas ingen uppfattar det som en spark på den som redan ligger. Det är inte ytterligare något som vi måste pressa oss till utan "a spiritual gift from God" och vi behöver "his help".