The "Nice Guy" Myth
Let me guess—you think women don’t want to date you because you’re “too nice.” Well, all you self-proclaimed “nice guys,” hold on to your hats (and your egos) while I explain the real reasons behind your lack of attention from the opposite sex.
“I’m just too nice,” a guy friend recently lamented. “I need to start acting like a jerk so women will go out with me.”
Really? I thought. It’s not because everything you post on Facebook is whiny or negative or needy? (In fact, he posted the above comment on Facebook, too. Yeah, that’s a great way to win a woman over.)
Let’s just squash this right now, shall we? If a woman isn’t interested in you, it’s not because you’re too nice. It’s because she’s not attracted to you—for whatever reason. Maybe, unbeknownst to you, she is head over heels for someone else. Maybe you remind her too much of her ex. Maybe it’s because you are 40 years old and living with your parents. To see her lack of interest in you as a character flaw is disrespectful. And to assume that women want to be treated badly is insulting and contradicts your “nice” personality that you hold in such high regard.
Women like nice men. But we like nice men who are also strong, confident, and happy.
The problem is many “nice guys” feel insecure, and we can sense it. A self-proclaimed “nice guy” is often timid, clingy, and needs constant validation from other people. He suffocates the woman he is interested in with a constant barrage of texts, calls, gifts, and date invitations—all the while ignoring the fact that she is not reciprocating. Yet, he somehow feels entitled to a woman’s love simply because he has been persistent and has “earned” it. The “nice guy” often complains, plays the victim, or uses self-deprecating humor in order to get attention or sympathy.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that all “nice guys” have all of the traits listed above, but even one or two is enough to doom your dating life.
I don’t pretend to speak for all women, but there are certain traits that are highly valued by most of us. In general, we like men who respect themselves and others. We are attracted to men who allow relationships to progress naturally, without being jealous or possessive. We like men who aren’t afraid to express themselves, who are willing to compromise, and who keep their emotions in control. We like men who have positive attitudes and set goals for themselves. And we like men who are nice to us without expecting something in return.
So, men, I challenge you to take a good look at yourselves. How many “nice guy” traits are you exhibiting?
There is a law of attraction that states: Inspiration, not desperation, is what attracts. Work on becoming confident in who you are and what you have to offer and you are bound to attract quality women.
Good luck!
—
Jessica Carter
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Eller hur! Jag tänkte ofta under aaaaaaaaalla mina många år som singel början av hennes tanke men kom inte på slutet. Hennes slutledning är briljant.
Och för att detta inte bara ska bli ett intressant inlägg (vill ju vara både "a place for fun, a place for knowledge", som Leonard kallar Pasadena City College för när han tipsar Penny om det i säsong 2 avsnitt 1 av Big Bang Theory -- howz that for källhänvisning!), så ställer jag mig själv, och er, frågan: Vad kan vi lära oss av den här historien? Själv lär jag mig att man inte ska köpa att saker är som de verkar vara. Man ska tänka efter och se om det verkligen stämmer. Typ den snälle killen var ju inte särskilt snäll, fast det märkte man inte riktigt för man brydde sig inte om att registrera att det är rätt kvinnohatligt att tro att kvinnor bara gillar män som behandlar dem illa. Ofta kan man ha en liten tanke som pockar på insidan av skallbenet, men man kommer sig liksom inte för att lyssna. En del kallar det intuition och det är de väl med, i vissa sammanhang. Men jag är fortfarande imponerad av hur hon kom på hela grejen. Det finns nog mycket som är så men vi har inte registrerat allt nog för att klä det i ord. Vill gärna bli bättre på det.
“I’m just too nice,” a guy friend recently lamented. “I need to start acting like a jerk so women will go out with me.”
Really? I thought. It’s not because everything you post on Facebook is whiny or negative or needy? (In fact, he posted the above comment on Facebook, too. Yeah, that’s a great way to win a woman over.)
Let’s just squash this right now, shall we? If a woman isn’t interested in you, it’s not because you’re too nice. It’s because she’s not attracted to you—for whatever reason. Maybe, unbeknownst to you, she is head over heels for someone else. Maybe you remind her too much of her ex. Maybe it’s because you are 40 years old and living with your parents. To see her lack of interest in you as a character flaw is disrespectful. And to assume that women want to be treated badly is insulting and contradicts your “nice” personality that you hold in such high regard.
Women like nice men. But we like nice men who are also strong, confident, and happy.
The problem is many “nice guys” feel insecure, and we can sense it. A self-proclaimed “nice guy” is often timid, clingy, and needs constant validation from other people. He suffocates the woman he is interested in with a constant barrage of texts, calls, gifts, and date invitations—all the while ignoring the fact that she is not reciprocating. Yet, he somehow feels entitled to a woman’s love simply because he has been persistent and has “earned” it. The “nice guy” often complains, plays the victim, or uses self-deprecating humor in order to get attention or sympathy.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that all “nice guys” have all of the traits listed above, but even one or two is enough to doom your dating life.
I don’t pretend to speak for all women, but there are certain traits that are highly valued by most of us. In general, we like men who respect themselves and others. We are attracted to men who allow relationships to progress naturally, without being jealous or possessive. We like men who aren’t afraid to express themselves, who are willing to compromise, and who keep their emotions in control. We like men who have positive attitudes and set goals for themselves. And we like men who are nice to us without expecting something in return.
So, men, I challenge you to take a good look at yourselves. How many “nice guy” traits are you exhibiting?
There is a law of attraction that states: Inspiration, not desperation, is what attracts. Work on becoming confident in who you are and what you have to offer and you are bound to attract quality women.
Good luck!
—
Jessica Carter
-------------------------
Eller hur! Jag tänkte ofta under aaaaaaaaalla mina många år som singel början av hennes tanke men kom inte på slutet. Hennes slutledning är briljant.
Och för att detta inte bara ska bli ett intressant inlägg (vill ju vara både "a place for fun, a place for knowledge", som Leonard kallar Pasadena City College för när han tipsar Penny om det i säsong 2 avsnitt 1 av Big Bang Theory -- howz that for källhänvisning!), så ställer jag mig själv, och er, frågan: Vad kan vi lära oss av den här historien? Själv lär jag mig att man inte ska köpa att saker är som de verkar vara. Man ska tänka efter och se om det verkligen stämmer. Typ den snälle killen var ju inte särskilt snäll, fast det märkte man inte riktigt för man brydde sig inte om att registrera att det är rätt kvinnohatligt att tro att kvinnor bara gillar män som behandlar dem illa. Ofta kan man ha en liten tanke som pockar på insidan av skallbenet, men man kommer sig liksom inte för att lyssna. En del kallar det intuition och det är de väl med, i vissa sammanhang. Men jag är fortfarande imponerad av hur hon kom på hela grejen. Det finns nog mycket som är så men vi har inte registrerat allt nog för att klä det i ord. Vill gärna bli bättre på det.
1 kommentar:
Haha, vad bra! Jag känner flera det passar in på perfekt.. :-) Så klockrent!
Och jag blir alltid så glad när folk citerar Big bang theory. :-)
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